Jelena Dokic has opened up about the complex grief she’s been experiencing since her abusive father died earlier this year.
This week, the 42-year-old told Australian Story she believed that her father, Damir Dokic, never loved her.
“I don’t think he ever loved me,” she told Leigh Sales. “I’m a firm believer that you can’t do that to someone, especially a child, if you love them.”
Damir, who was also Jelena’s coach and manager, subjected the tennis pro to years of physical and emotional abuse before she finally escaped her family home at the age of 19.
In her memoir, the former world number four recalled how her father beat her unconscious after she lost a match, called her a “slut” and a “whore” from the age of 11, and abandoned her overnight at Wimbledon after she “only” made it to the semi-final.
Jelena first fell in love with tennis at the age of six and after the family relocated from Croatia to Sydney in 1994, Damir set out to make his daughter a tennis champion.
He began to abuse the teenager as she rose through the ranks and soon the media and the public started to express concern about his volatile personality and alarming behaviour.
“He was getting more and more violent, more and more out of control,” Jelena recalled.
The Aussie tennis player said the more abusive her father became, the more she withdrew into herself.
“You lose your worth and you don’t think you’re enough. And you’re constantly also told that you’re not. And a lot worse things.”
Speaking to Australian Story, Jelena said every time she attempted to reconcile with her father before his death, he showed no remorse for his behaviour and even told her he wouldn’t change anything if he had his time again.
“In fact,” she added, “he said he would do it all again.”
When Damir died in May this year at 67, Jelena decided not to attend his funeral.
“I didn’t feel like I needed to or wanted to go,” she said.
“I kind of feel like that’s the end of that chapter,” she added. “It’s the end. It’s done.”
Jelena told the program despite the years of abuse she suffered at his hands, she doesn’t hate her late father and she’s now the “happiest” she’s ever been.
“I’m very aware of the tough moments I’ve had in life,” she said. “I’ve also had great moments, great experiences.”
“I can literally say, no exaggeration, that I’m the happiest I’ve ever been,” she continued. “I’m very happy and proud to be 42 because I feel like I’ve never been wiser.”
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