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Meghan Markle has made a distressing confession in her interview with Oprah Winfrey revealing that she was contemplating suicide, and when she reached out for help she was told by a senior palace person it would look bad.
Meghan recounted that she originally felt "ashamed" to tell her husband, Prince Harry, but she was aware that to not tell her husband would put her in a vulnerable position.
"I was ashamed to say it at the time and ashamed to have to admit it to Harry. But I knew that if I didn't say it – then I would do it. I just didn't want to be alive anymore. That was clear and real and frightening and constant thought," said Meghan.
It was before an event at the Royal Albert Hall that Meghan finally revealed her feelings to Harry.
"We had to go to this event at the Royal Albert Hall after I told Harry I didn't want to be alive anymore.
"In the pictures, I see how tightly his knuckles are gripped around mine.
"We are smiling, doing our job. In the Royal Box, when the lights went off, I was just weeping."
Meghan said that she contemplated suicide because "I thought it would solve everything for everyone."
She attempted to seek help from the institution, but she was turned away when she went to Human Resources because she was not a paid royal.
Meghan details that Human Resources told her, "There is nothing we can do to help you because you are not a paid member of the institution."
She also alleges that a senior palace person refused to allow her access to treatment as it wouldn't look good for the family.
"I went to one of the most senior people to get help," said Meghan, "I was told I couldn't because it wouldn't be good for the institution."
This is one of many distressing revelations that have come out during Meghan's interview with Oprah.
Meghan has spoken out against the racism she faced regarding the Firm, who were concerned over the colour of Archie's skin.
She told Oprah that Palace officials informed her that Archie would not have a title, and there were "concerns and conversations about how dark his skin would be when he's born."
When Oprah asked her to elaborate, Meghan said, "That was relayed to me from Harry from conversations that family had with him."
Megan did not out the person who commented on Archie's skin because it would be damaging for them.
This story originally appeared on our sister site, New Idea.