- When Joan was diagnosed with dementia, she begged Terri and her other daughter, Erin, not to put her in an aged care home until they absolutely had to
- Erin cared for Joan as she sadly declined over six years
- Soon, Joan’s doctor agreed she’ woul’d be better off in an aged care home so they put her in one closeby so they could visit often
- One day, just weeks later, a nurse called the sisters to say their mum had been rushed to hospital
- Joan had been assaulted in her bed when another dementia sufferer beat her with his walking frame
- Five days later, Terri and Erin were by Joan’s side until she sadly succumbed to her injuries.
- Terri Hobbs from Sydney, NSW tells her story…
Waking into the house after my shift as a dental technician, the smell of gas hit me immediately.
“Not again,” I groaned.
I hurried into the kitchen and turned it off at the hob before looking for my mum, Joan, 83, who lived with me.
“Mum, you left the gas on again,” I told her.
“Did I?” she asked, puzzled. “I don’t remember using the hob today.”
It was 2017, and later that evening, I called my sister, Erin, now 60, a registered nurse, and told her what had happened.
“I think she needs to see a doctor,” I said.
Erin agreed, so we arranged for a doctor to come to the house to assess her.
“I’m afraid your mum has dementia,” the doctor told us.
We were all devastated, especially Mum.
As an extremely intelligent woman, knowing her brain function was deteriorating was crushing for her.
She’d been a social worker, and since retiring she loved to keep busy going to jazz clubs, reading and spending time with her seven grandchildren and five great grandchildren.
“Please promise you’ll keep me out of a nursing home for as long as you can,” Mum begged us.
“None of us want to see you in a home,” I assured her.
It was decided that I’d move out and Erin would move in, as she was better qualified to help care for Mum.
Read more: In the prime of her life, Jana was diagnosed with dementia aged 49

It broke our hearts over the next six years to watch Mum’s health deteriorate.
Erin couldn’t even make a sandwich without Mum wandering off.
Eventually, we were forced to put locks on all the doors.
We even had to put signs up all over the house so Mum knew where things were, despite her having lived there for 65 years.
We tried to honour Mum’s wish to remain home as long as possible, but eventually Erin burnt out.
Looking after Mum was a 24-hour job.
“You can’t keep doing this,” I told her. “You need to think about your health.”
She’d given up her whole life, and I knew she was depressed.
“I’ll just feel so guilty if we put her in a home,” Erin said. “We promised her we wouldn’t.”
“No, we promised to keep her at home as long as we could, which we have,” I said.
When we spoke to Mum’s doctor, he agreed Mum would be better off in an aged care home.
Erin relented, so we started looking for one best suited to Mum’s needs.
We decided on IRT Thomas Holt Aged Care Centre, as it was five minutes down the road from us, meaning we could visit her every day.
Going to view it, I was pleased to find the rooms were well-decorated and cosy.
The staff were also helpful and friendly.
It still didn’t make dropping her off there for the first time any easier.
“They’re going to take good care of you,” I told Mum, fighting back the tears. “And we’ll be here to see you every day.”

Over the next few weeks, Mum seemed to settle in well, and there was a noticeable shift in Erin’s mood.
Then, eight weeks after we’d moved Mum into a home, I received a call from Erin.
“Mum’s in the hospital,” she told me. “She had a fall.”
We went straight to the hospital, where the doctor confirmed she had a few small bleeds on her brain.
“She’s not broken anything, so there’s not much we can do,” he told us. “We’ll discharge her in the morning.”
The next day, as soon as she was back in the aged care home, we went to see her and fortunately, she seemed okay.
We stayed until it was time for her to go to bed.
“We’ll be back in the morning,” we told her.
The following day, Erin called.
“I’ve had a text message from the care home saying Mum is back in the hospital,” she told me.
We headed straight there, and when we arrived, we were taken to see her doctor.
“Has she had another fall?” I asked.
His face became solemn, and he shook his head.
“I’m afraid your mum has been assaulted,” he told us.
My mouth fell open in shock.
“By who?” I asked.

He explained how Mum had been in her bed at the aged care home when another dementia-suffering resident had come into her room and beat her with his walking frame.
He was only staying there for a few days while they found a placement for him.
It was a lot to take in.
We asked if we could see her.
“She doesn’t look good,” a doctor told us, honestly.
“I still want to see her,” I said.
He led us into the room where Mum was.
“Oh my god,” I gasped as my eyes fell on her.
Her face was bruised and battered, as were her arms, where she’d held them up to defend herself.
“She must’ve been terrified,” Erin wept. “She wouldn’t have known what was happening.”
We were told it was only a matter of time until she passed, so all we could do was sit with her until she died.
Five days later, aged 89, she was gone.

We decided not to press charges.
We don’t blame the man who killed Mum – he didn’t know what he was doing – nor do we blame the aged care home.
The staff at the care home have been nothing but supportive since it happened.
What we do blame is the need for staff supervision. The patient-to-staff ratio needs to change.
There are not enough nurses on the floors, and that’s a government issue they need to address.
Our elderly population matters. They looked after us and deserve dignity, respect, and safety.
I can’t change what happened to my mum, and I can’t bring her back, but if I can raise awareness, maybe I can stop another family from going through our pain.