Lorena Otes shares her miraculous story after 12 failed rounds of IVF.
Tears were streaming down my face. I’d been laughing that hard. I was having a blast catching up with the girls at our local.
That was, until one of the girls at the table announced who her boyfriend was – turned out it was the same guy I’d been seeing on and off for a couple of years.
I’d been hoping he’d settle down with me.
Of course this is happening! I thought.
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Read more: Our baby took 26 years to be delivered
While all my friends were getting married and having babies, every guy I dated was a dud, not in it for the long haul. Now, I was single again and 38.
Later, I told the whole story to my best friend.
“I’m running out of time,” I said. “All I want is to be a mum.”
“Remember Monica?” she asked. I shook my head. “Well, she got pregnant without a man.”
It wasn’t what I’d pictured for myself, but I couldn’t stop thinking about whether I could do this solo, too.
I was a freelance dance teacher, and had worked hard, saving a good nest egg.
I started googling IVF like mad, devouring all I could about fertility treatment.
A friend worked as an IVF nurse and pointed me to a clinic that specialised in helping single women have babies.
I worried about breaking the news to my mum and dad, who had been married for 50 years.
How was I going to tell them I was choosing a different path?
Then one day, I blurted it out. “I’m going to have a baby alone,” I told them.Mum and Dad just looked at me, then Mum jumped up and hugged me.
“Let’s pop the bubbly,” she said.
It all felt so exciting and soon I was poring over bios of potential donors.
“I want a guy I’d date if I met him in real life,” I told Mum. I came across one who seemed funny and interesting. He was even into climbing, like me!
Nine eggs were extracted and fertilised, and wanting to make sure everything was okay, I paid an extra $7000 on top of the IVF fee for specialist genetic testing before implantation.
Sadly, the results showed no embryos were viable.
As soon as the Medicare rebate hit my account, I booked in for a second round. This time, I didn’t bother coughing up for genetic testing and an embryo was implanted.
“It’s happening!” I told everyone I knew. “IVF has worked it’s magic.”
Then, my period showed up. It was another devastating blow, but I wasn’t giving up.
Ten rounds, Lorena, then you’re out, I decided.
I took every shift I could at the dance studio where I worked, and tried everything to improve my chances – acupuncture, herbs, naturopathy…
But 10 rounds and five years passed with no baby.
It seemed like everyone else could get pregnant so easily, and every time my friends announced their happy news, my heart broke a little bit more.
“Maybe it’s time to stop,” Mum said gently.
“I’m not giving up yet,” I told her, defiantly.
So I did more overtime, and earnt more money to pay for another go… and another…
When they didn’t work, I did consider a Plan B, like donor eggs, fostering or adopting.
By now, I’d spent $80,000, but there was a fire in me.
Twenty rounds, Lorena, I told myself. You’ve got this.
On the 13th round, a new doctor suggested I try a clinic overseas that uses different methods for testing their sperm donors.
So I did, and 10 days later I did a pregnancy test even though I was supposed to wait two weeks.
For the first time ever, I saw something I hadn’t before. Shaking like a leaf, I called Mum and Dad.
“There are two blue lines on the test,” I said.
I couldn’t say the word pregnant – I was worried about jinxing it. But I was!
The pregnancy went smoothly, and in October 2019, my daughter Bonnie was born by caesarean. When she was placed in my arms, it felt like a dream come true.
Aged 46, I was finally someone’s mummy.
“I’ve been waiting a long time to see you,” I told her, trying not to get tears on her precious little face.
“I love you so much, you were so wanted.”
Every moment since has been incredible.
When Bonnie was two and looked at me and said she loved me, it was one of the most amazing things to happen in my life.
Today, my girl is four. She loves all things dinosaur-related and gymnastics. She’ll happily chat to anyone she comes across!
Sure, there are moments when I think sharing the load would be easier, but I love life in our little bubble.
Having doting grandparents who live nearby definitely helps.
I’ve told Bonnie that Mummy asked a donor to help make her, and I plan to tell her more when she is a bit older.
“We’re an extra special family,” I say.
I couldn’t be happier I chose the single mum life. My little girl is my whole world.
