We saved ourselves for marriage… now we’re swingers!

Emmy Blaise, 35, from the Hunter Region, NSW shares her story with Take 5.

I paused, trying to think of a way to answer my two-year-old daughter’s question.

“If Jesus lives in my heart, then how does he breathe?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” I replied.

This left me with an uneasy feeling.

I’d been raised in an ultra-conservative Christian church and was taught never to question its teachings, including the belief that Jesus lived in our hearts.

And for most of my life, that’s exactly what I did.

My husband, Cal, and I were teenagers when we met at a church youth group.

What I liked most about him was how devoted he was to his faith.

We started dating once high school ended and waited until we married at 19 to have sex.

After that, we continued to toe the line with our faith, attending church up to five times a week.

But in our late-20s we slowly started questioning our beliefs.

And now that I was a mum, some of the teachings I’d blindly accepted no longer sat well with me, such as having to conform to gender roles and have my husband make all the decisions.

“I don’t want our kids living in fear of going to hell,” I said to Cal.

“Me neither,” he replied.

After years of questioning our faith, we made the difficult decision to leave our church.

We started searching for a new religious path to follow but after having more time away from religion, Cal and I concluded that we no longer believed in God.

“None of it makes sense anymore,” I said.

There was a lot of grief that came with this revelation.

It felt like I’d spent my whole life investing in something, and suddenly discovered that my savings were now Monopoly money.

But I also felt a great sense of relief.

For the first time, I was free to ask myself: What kind of person do I want to be?

In 2019, Cal and I watched a Netflix show called You Me Her, about a married couple who decide to bring another woman into their marriage.

“What if that was actually possible?” Cal asked me. “Having an open relationship could work for some people.”

This shocked me. In my mind, monogamy was the only way to have a healthy marriage. Anything else was cheating.

But Cal put me at ease.

“I would never do anything unless we both agreed to it,” he said.

His reassurance allowed me to safely consider the idea of a non-monogamous marriage.

After 11 years as husband and wife, we were still very much in love and committed to each other, and I realised that having sexual experiences with other people wouldn’t change that.

But I also had regrets about getting married so young and never having the chance to have my own adventures.

We agreed we needed to discover who we were as individuals.

So after many conversations, Cal and I decided to open our relationship and started seeing other people.

This was both exciting and nerve-wracking for me.

“I feel like a teenager again,” I told Cal as I joined dating apps and had no idea what I was doing.

Before long, I was on the dating scene and luckily, had great experiences with other men, which boosted my confidence.

After years of repressing myself, it felt empowering to take back control of my sexuality.

I soon realised I was pansexual, and started dating women as well.

Cal remained supportive throughout all of this.

“Tell me all about it,” he’d say after I’d come home from a date.

I was equally happy for him and excited to hear all about his experiences with other women.

It was surprising how natural non-monogamy felt to us.

Is it weird that this doesn’t feel wrong? I’d think as Cal told me about a woman he’d been with.

We both knew jealousy could be an issue, but it never came.

Sharing the sexual experiences we’d had with other people made us feel more connected.

We also had fun experimenting swinging with other couples.

During COVID lockdowns, I started posting sexy photos of myself on Reddit and was shocked at the positive responses.

“I might as well monetise this,” I told Cal.

In 2022, I decided to start an account on OnlyFans – an adults-only website where creators can share sexual content that people can pay a subscription to see.

I joined it under a pseudonym to protect the privacy of my family.

Cal was supportive and offered to help film and edit my videos. He’s also featured in some of my sexy tapes.

Getting naked on camera took some getting used to.

As a mother of three whose body didn’t resemble the stick-thin youngsters often featured in porn, I was apprehensive at first.

But the feedback has been overwhelmingly positive, with many followers telling me they liked my personality and my curves.

A year later, I’m now in the top 0.5 per cent of OnlyFans content makers, which I’m so grateful for!

Our children, who are all aged under 10, are too young to understand what we’re doing.

But when they get older and start asking questions, we’ll be upfront about it in an age-appropriate way.

As we’ve shared our relationship online, Cal and I have gotten some mixed reactions.

This is going to end in divorce! Some people comment.

But I don’t let their words get to me.

Being in an open relationship isn’t for everyone, but it’s brought a new level of excitement to our marriage and has only made us stronger as a couple.

Follow Emmy at instagram.com/emmy_blaise