Real Life

I ruined ‘Miss Perfect’ at the reunion

Drunk at the high school reunion

The common dread swept over me when I received the invitation in the mail for my 20 year high school reunion. “You have to go!” my teenage daughter Chelsy giggled when I rolled my eyes. There didn’t seem much point, I had only kept in contact with a handful of friends since high school. I was, however, a little curious as to how some people had turned out. Especially Sarah-Jane…

In 20 years it’s unbelievable how much she hadn’t changed. Arrogant, rude and still a bully I was surprised when she nestled next to me for the formal dinner. “So how is everything?” she sniggered insincerely “You look just the same” she chuckled. I had put on a fair amount of weight and dyed my hair blonde, I looked nothing like the girl she went to high school with – and Sarah-Jayne knew it.

Warning myself that I shouldn’t take her comments to heart, I moved to the other side of the room. When I returned, one of my friends Angela, a proud mother, was eagerly showing Sarah-Jane pictures of her twins “It looks like you picked them up from the ears!” she gasped in to laughter, leaving Angela obviously offended.

Dinner was even more painful, Sarah-Jane running a loud commentary on everyone who graced the podium labelling them everything from “Fat” to “Stupid”. She even picked on someone’s partner’s hairstyle. It amazed me how none of us, 20 years on could tell her to shut up.

As she picked her dinner apart, Sarah-Jane loudly boasted how she rarely ate cooked food and adhered to a strict raw diet. She also remarked on how ashamed we should all be on how we consume meat like wild animals.

Sarah-Jane had not drunk alcohol in over 15 years as drinking was only for “weak minded and socially inept people”. By then half of us were on our third glass of wine! As in high school, there was nothing to stop her relentless badgering and I could barely take it – I retreated to the bar.

I ordered a fruity cocktail blended so smoothly I couldn’t taste a drop of rum. Then, I had a stroke a genius. I quickly ordered another, for Sarah-Jane. I returned to the table and set it down in front of her smiling sweetly. She assumed it was juice. After one sip Sarah-Jayne proceeded to demolish the entire delicious concoction, almost automatically her eyes glazed over. I could not believe it – after one drink she was wasted!

Sarah-Jane began cackling hysterically and waving her napkin about making an absolute fool of herself. She began screeching over the speaker on stage inviting many irritated glares and hushes for her to quieten down. Everyone on our table stared at her in disbelief, wondering how had this once ice-queen turned in to such a raving mess.

After an in-depth recount of how she lost her virginity, Sarah-Jayne announced to our group “I feel crap” and burst in to tears. As pathetic as she looked I thought it was about time she felt what it was like to be ridiculed.

She cried uncontrollably and thrust her mobile phone at me to call her partner. Within ten minutes John arrived to pick her up. Incredibly unimpressed (he obviously wasn’t a drinker either) he hauled a hysterical Sarah-Jayne over his shoulders and out of the room. It couldn’t have worked better and I celebrated with another fruity cocktail with my real friends.

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