My poor cat, Mister Fluffy Pants, has been low on the food chain at my house for a while but whilst ‘big-spooning’ his furry warmth in bed recently, I realised he was the perfect companion.
Let me share with you 10 reasons why cats are better than husbands. It’s a no-brainer when you think about it.
1.You can have more than one cat, and many people actually recommend it. They play together and keep each other company. No one has ever recommended having more than one husband. It’s not only taxing emotionally, but it would be physically arduous.
2.A cat doesn’t gag if you fart in bed. In fact, I suspect mine secretly likes a Dutch oven because he’s doesn’t move. Some mornings I expect him to be dead, like a canary in a mine shaft, but so far so good.
3.A cat doesn’t complain about cold hands touching him. Haven’t worked out how to train him to warm my feet, but I’m sure there is a technique that Hollywood animal trainers use for stuff like this. I’ve heard about people rubbing honey on their feet for their pets to lick off with their warm tongues but I think socks are far more practical.
4.My cat is totally happy to eat the same oral care biscuits and meat in gravy for years on end. No imaginative or time-consuming food preparation required. Husbands? Not so much.
5.Mister Fluffy Pants gives me complete control of the remote control when we snuggle on the couch, as long as he can sit on me somewhere and somehow. If I don’t let him get cosy, he does sometimes stand on the remote and ruin everything. I’m pretty sure it’s premeditated.
6.If he wakes me up amorously pre-dawn, I can shove him unceremoniously off the bed and he doesn’t take it personally or bear a grudge.
7.Never, ever finishes the wine and doesn’t put a freshy in the fridge. In fact, never drinks my wine full stop. He will lick the ice-cream bowl after I’m finished with it but I’m cool with that arrangement.
8.Never wants to sit up late watching tv and is always ready to go to bed when I am. Any time of day or night.
9.Never leaves the toilet seat up. In fact, doesn’t mess my bathroom at all. Admittedly, he occasionally kicks a cat nugget out of his box by mistake but picking that up with toilet paper is preferable to Toilet Ducking someone else’s bowl skids.
10.Takes care of his own washing. Sometimes yaks a fur ball on my cow-skin rug, but otherwise, he’s fresh-smelling, self-cleansing, and requires no folding or ironing.
