Infidelity ends thousands of marriages every year, but a new book is suggesting cheating could help couples stay together.
It is an opinion sure to prove controversial, but bestselling British author Catherine Hakim has written a self-help book explaining how having an affair could make your relationship stronger.
An excerpt from the paperback — entitled The New Rules of Marriage: Internet Dating, Playfairs and Erotic Power — was published in the UK’s Telegraph yesterday, and advocated infidelity as the way to reduce high divorce rates.
Hakim thinks fidelity is a “trap” which turns humans into “caged animals”.
She advises men and women to explore their sexuality outside their relationships, comparing extramarital affairs to eating out at a restaurant.
“The fact that we eat most meals at home with spouses and partners does not preclude eating out in restaurants to sample different cuisines and ambiences, with friends or colleagues,” she writes.
“Anyone rejecting a fresh approach to marriage and adultery, with a new set of rules to go with it, fails to recognise the benefits of a revitalised sex life outside the home.”
Hakim says the optimal time for an affair is 45 for women, and 55 for men. Herself happily married, the author says she wouldn’t care if her own husband had an affair, and thinks others should be equally open-minded.
“I am not saying that everybody should do it, and most people do not have affairs,” Hakim said in an interview with BBC Radio 4.
“The key point is that we need to be more tolerant of them. Sometime they can ruin marriages, but if you take the view that most of them blow over and a good marriage is still a good marriage we should be a bit more laid back about them like the French, Italians and Spanish.
“The temptation is always there for everyone. I am happily married, and I would hope that if my partner had an affair he would be so discreet about it that I wouldn’t notice anyway. Total discretion is the absolute rule, the other party should never find out.”
The New Rules: Internet Dating, Playfairs and Erotic Power will be released in September.
Your say: Do you think affairs strengthen relationships, or destroy them? [email protected]
