They’ve been together for 20 years and now they reveal the reasons they’ve never tied the knot
Survivor’s motto is ‘Outwit, Outplay, Outlast’ and for PR executive Mel Bell, 48, that’s exactly what life has been like with the man Australia loves to hate, Ian ‘Dicko’ Dickson.
Their long-term partnership has seen its fair share of ups and downs, never more so than when Dicko, 43, made headlines with his Dancing With The Stars partner Leeanne Bampton.
Mel and Dicko, who is set to host Seven’s latest reality show Celebrity Survivor, talk frankly to Woman’s Day about the secret to surviving 20 years together, and how their daughters Esme, 15 and Ede, 13 help keep their love alive…
How long have you been together?
Mel: We’ve hit 20 years — and we only know because his mum sent us a card! We’ve done better than anyone in the family so far.
Dicko: We’ve done better than anyone in the royal family! We’ve lasted longer than any royal marriage apart from the Queen and Philip, which is notoriously loveless.
How old were you when you met?
Dicko: I was 23. And I don’t know why she lied, because she was 28. I was actually very excited about seeing an older woman — who was married!
Mel His sister tried to warn him off. She said. ‘You don’t want to be mucking about with a married woman.’
When did you realise each other was the ‘one’?
Mel: Well, he was down in a different town and I thought, ‘Great, I’ll just keep him for weekend use’. Then he came and stayed a bit too long. And I said, ‘Don’t go home… oh shit! Why did I say that?’ And he kind of never went back. I realised then I’d made a dreadful mistake.
Dicko: I fell in love with Mel through her letters.
Mel: You know, those old-fashioned things that people write on paper…
Are you ‘technically/officially’ married?
Dicko: We’re ‘technically’ and ‘legally’ not married. I always call her my wife because it’s easier and she is. I’ve got a relationship with Mel that is as stable and loving as anyone who has a ring on their finger. That’s not to say we’d never get married. I’d still like to have a wedding. Our kids used to hate the idea of us getting married.
Mel: That’s probably the reason we never did. We’d say to them, ‘Wouldn’t you like to be two gorgeous bridesmaids, wear frocks and get all done up for the day… and Esme went absolutely ballistic and hysterical. She sat in her room for a whole day!
Dicko: She said, ‘You can’t! That’s disgusting!’
What’s the secret to your relationship surviving?
Mel: Gritted teeth. And a stiff upper lip. I don’t know. You just don’t know where the bloody time has gone actually.
Dicko: My view is, I don’t believe in the perfect relationship. Early on, I decided I was never going to have a perfect relationship, I was going to have one that lasted. I don’t know anyone as well as I know Mel. I don’t know anyone I’ve let down more times than Mel. But I don’t know anyone who forgives me as much or who knows me as well. I don’t know what a perfect relationship is, but after 20 years we’ve probably got it.
Mel: We just had our five-year anniversary over here in Australia. It’s actually been quite intense.
Dicko: Being in Australia has presented more of a stress on our marriage than if we’d stayed at home. I drifted into the public eye at the age of 40. Most middle-age marriages are under threat of a mid-life crisis where the bloke wants something younger and women start to feel the ageing process getting on top of them — everyone goes a bit wacky in their middle age.
Mel: Going on reality-TV shows often does that to you as well…
Dicko: Most middle-age marriages are under siege. And we’ve had this ridiculous public profile to ours, which has been tough. I’m ridiculously naive. I think our marriage can stand anything and Dancing with the Stars was the toughest.
Mel: It was really tough. Really hard…
Dicko: It was the hardest few months of our relationship.
How did all the speculation about your relationship with your Dancing with the Stars partner Leeanne affect your relationship?
Dicko: That cracked me off so much.
Mel: Mmmm.
Dicko: Mel had made it clear to me, in no uncertain terms, she didn’t want me to do the show. She sent the signals loud and clear. I’m sorry, but I ignored them. I thought it would be good for me. Mel didn’t want to stand in my way, but she did make it clear on quite a few occasions she didn’t want me to do it and I just went ahead and did it. And it was tough. We had five months of torture — not for me, it was for Mel.
Mel, was it hard to watch Dicko and Leeanne dance?
Mel: No, we were actually glued to it every week — oddly enough. There was a strange fascination with it. We lived and breathed the show every day, even from the sidelines. It took over our lives — weekends — all the time.
Did you get along with Leeane?
Dicko: Tell the truth…
Mel: She is quite a different kind of person to me and very, very hard to get to know. I’m normally quite open with people…
Dicko: I think we should be honest about it. Part of Dancing with the Stars is ‘Are they? Aren’t they?’ I didn’t think it would be a big issue. But from Mel’s point of view, everywhere she went there were people talking behind her back saying, ‘Ooohhh, I wonder what she thinks about… ‘ you know. Imagine being under that stress? Everywhere you walk, people are talking behind their hands saying, ‘Her husband’s doing that dancing show. I wonder what she thinks about that?’ And it was tough. I’d like to apologise here and now because it was my selfishness.
Mel: A lot of the girls on the show — the dancers — were absolutely gorgeous and had really, really lovely personalities. Unfortunately, Leeanne wasn’t one of them.
How did you get over it?
Mel: I don’t think we have!
Dicko: We laugh about it, but it has taken some time to get over. I think it’s symptomatic of something a bit greater, which is, I’m still trying to come to terms with what the hell I am in terms of being this person on television. I still don’t feel confident. At the moment I’m just famous for being famous — and I find that a shaky situation to be in. Especially with my ego, you never know what’s coming up, do you? At some point, are people going to get bored with seeing me? Are we going to have to go back to our old lives? I don’t know… We probably are still getting over the Dancing with the Stars thing in many ways, but I think we’re all guilty of taking relationships for granted. It’s very easy to do and I’m no different. We still need to work at having a great relationship. I quite often can’t understand how she puts up with me!
Mel: I just get angry…
Dicko: She does. She gets very angry. I take Mel for granted far too much. I’m ashamed to admit it, but it’s true. I run away from conversations like this — like most blokes do. It’s not often I have to sit with my wife and talk about this.
Mel: When we usually do it there is a recorder going… which is great. It’s like therapy!
Do you think your daughters help keep your relationship together?
Dicko: Yes, of course!
Mel: They add another dimension. They’re also a distraction.
Dicko: Have they ever stopped you from walking out on me?
Mel: Many, many times!
Dicko: And same here, frankly. When things have gotten tough it’s fantastic having two kids there. There have been times when I’ve thought ‘Oh this is bloody stupid!’ but I can’t bear to leave the girls behind. I love you (Mel) dearly, you are my Mrs and always will be, but the fact is, you’ve got to accept kids… I can’t bear the thought of breaking the family up. I love our family. I think the girls are great. Esme and Ede have been an absolutely gelling force in our relationship. In the really tough times, they’ve been the only thing keeping us together. I live in a pretty self-obsessed life — I’m sorry, but I do. Our ability to earn great money is based on me being fabulous and fascinating!
Mel: And that’s all we want in life because we’re extremely shallow…
What’s next for you?
Dicko: After Celebrity Survivor I might actually get behind the judging table again. I haven’t decided, but there’s a show coming out on Seven owned by my mate Simon Cowell, who I’m seeing next week in LA called Australia’s Got Talent. Seven have asked me to be a judge. I always vowed I wouldn’t sit behind the judge’s table again, but I love variety. And I love weird and wacky people. The idea of sitting behind the table watching jugglers, comedians, acrobats and rapping grannies is too good to pass up! So I’m considering coming out of retirement. But I’ll let Simon talk me into it over dinner at The Ivy in LA.
