Everything you need to know about having sex while travelling

Getting busy down under isn't always as it seems.

By Jess Commons
The fun people over at Hostel Bookers have surveyed their users and come up with a few interesting tidbits on what our sex lives are like when travelling. Correct us if we're wrong but our overriding memories of travelling are far more concerned with struggling with diarrhea on 12-hour bus journeys than bonking on the beach. But maybe that was just us.
And that's not all from the findings that we're taking issues with.
They say: 16% cheated while travelling
I mean does a snog count? How about if you’re too drunk to remember? And what about if you don’t even kiss and just have a feel of their sweaty nether regions? OR if they only touch your boobs and you don’t touch them back?
Bascially, if that’s all not kosher then we’ve never cheated while travelling, either.
They say: Men slept with three different nationalities, women with two
I mean how long are these people travelling for? Six months in the Far East and all we managed was a barely memorable bumping of uglies with an overweight Dutch boy. Or was he German? Never really got to the bottom of that one.
They say: The five hottest nationalities according to women are Irish, Australian, British, Italian and Canadian
Erm, no Nicaraguans? These ladies clearly haven’t met Juan the body board renter who moonlights as a bartender on the beachside bar in San Juan Del Sur. The way that man’s arm muscles rippled in the moonlight as he opened your 17th Corona and the tender way he picked you up when you fell down hard on the floor….? Phwoar.
They say: British people are the second hardest nationality to hook up with
Erm, while this is all very flattering stuff thank you friends from around the world, you’re wrong and erm, you’re wrong. May I direct you to a little programme I like to call What Happens In Kavos. I think you’ll find that British people in the sun are more than happy to hop on the good foot and do the bad thing. Whether or not it’s good sex, that’s another story.
They say: 78% of people haven’t had sex in a dorm
Lies, lies and more lies. If you haven’t spent a night curled up in the foetal position on the bottom bunk saying silent prayers that the rocking and grunting on the top bunk will soon come to a merciful end, then you did travelling wrong. More disturbing? When you know there’s only one person up there.
They say: 1 in 5 travel flings turn into a relationships
Erm, no. Not even. Unless you count a joyless few months of post-travelling Skype conversations with Paul in Copehagen, followed by an equally joyless weekend trip over to see him where it turns out that, minus the margaritas and suntans, he’s actually a bit of a bore and not worth the £52 round trip RyanAir fare.
This story was originally published on The Debrief.