When we were younger my sister and I were like chalk and cheese. She was beautiful and admired by all the boys while I struggled with acne and my weight. I was insanely jealous of her but immersed myself in school and university. My hard work soon paid off when I was offered a job at a prominent legal firm. After a while I was transferred to another state and despite my weight, was quite satisfied with my life. After a few years had passed my sister rang me excitedly to tell me she was engaged and getting married in a year and I was to be bridesmaid. After I hung up the phone I cried, knowing everyone would be looking at her with awe and wondering how we could be related. I made a pact to myself to be beautiful for the wedding. For the next eleven months I worked so hard. I lost a lot of weight and was feeling great about myself. I picked up a new sexy wardrobe and packed my bags for home. When Jane picked me up from the airport she couldn't believe her eyes; she couldn't stop gushing about how great I looked and how happy she was for me. Instead of talking about the wedding, all my family could talk about was how much weight I had lost and how fantastic I looked. Finally I was receiving all the attention! Jane's fiancé, Adam was gorgeous, very charming and told me that my sister and I shared our beauty. I couldn't help but feel wonderful. Jane told me that the following day I was to accompany Adam to pick up a few things so I could get to know him better, since the rest of the family already knew and loved him. I agreed it was a great plan and must admit I was excited about spending some time with this gorgeous man. The next day Adam picked me up from my hotel and we went out to run some basic wedding errands. We had some great conversations and got along very well, making jokes and flirting. He kept making comments all day about how fantastic I looked and that my sister had always said that I was chubby and unattractive. I couldn't believe that Jane would be so cruel as to say that; it really hurt my feelings. Adam drove me back to my hotel and asked if he could come up to use the bathroom. Thinking nothing of it, I told him of course, it was the least I could do for my future brother-in-law and as it was still a few hours before we were due at my mother's house we might as well have a quick drink as well. Once we were in the room we had a couple of glasses of wine. I was extremely attracted to him and still so hurt by my sister's comments about me that I didn't seem to think anything wrong of playfully touching her fiancé and flirting with him. And didn't think anything wrong of the sort of guy who would flirt so heavily with his fiancées sister! Before I knew it Adam was telling me about how he wanted me and that I was so beautiful. I couldn't believe it. Hurt by Jane's comments and foggy from the wine, I gave in to temptation and kissed Adam passionately and before I knew it we were making love. Afterwards we discussed our attraction but both feeling guilty, decided it was a bad idea having to tell my sister. This was my mindset at the time but over the next two weeks leading up to the wedding Adam and I managed to spend several more times together. I had never felt so much passion and guilt all at once. I knew what I was doing wrong but because I had spent so many years feeling second best to my sister, I convinced myself it was some sort of justice. I know now that I was being selfish as well as foolish. Each time we met we agreed it would be the last time but it never worked out that way. The night before the wedding Adam came to me and said that he couldn't do this anymore and that he was in love with my sister and wanted to make a life with her and tell her the truth about us. I knew it was a huge mistake and convinced him that it would destroy not only their chance of happiness but my family's relationship with me. The wedding the following day was one of the hardest days of my life and I cried quietly to myself as they exchanged vows. Of course everyone just thought I was happy for my sister. I was torn by guilt and also by my growing feelings for Adam. I left the very next day, fleeing anything that reminded me of my shameful acts as well as the temptation of being around him. It wasn't until after I flew home that I discovered I was pregnant. I knew if my family found out it would get back to Adam who would realise the truth, so I had made the hardest decision of all and had the baby adopted out. I felt it was one thing I could do to save my sister from hurt if the truth of the affair got out. I knew it still wasn't enough to make up for what we did but it was all I could think of to do. Several years have passed and I have married and have two beautiful children. My family is always begging me to return home and raise my family there. However, my guilt keeps me away from them as well as the man who often haunts my dreams.