Claire from NSW shares her true life story:
I clenched my pelvic floor muscles as I poured the bloke at the bar a beer.
Hold still, I told myself, as the glass slowly filled.
I’d often spend my shifts at the pub thinking up ways to stay in shape.
I’d seen so many patrons who were slovenly and overweight and vowed that would never be me.
Even secretly strengthening my pelvic floor was doing me good.
Although I was young and single, I’d always dreamt of having a baby.
When the time came, I was determined my body would be ready.
After researching online, I came across something called Yoni, a heavy egg-shaped piece of jade that women carry inside themselves during the day to keep their muscles strong.
Better still, it was also said to improve your chances of falling pregnant.
Women in China swore by it an had been using it for thousands of years.
I ordered one and counted down the days until it arrived.
I liked to stay active while I worked.
Sliding the pink rose quartz egg inside me each morning, I felt a rush of excitement.
I know it sounds strange, but I began to think of it as my little baby!
All I needed now as a baby-daddy.
“I wonder if I’ll ever meet the right guy,” I sighed to my best friend, Patty.
I hadn’t been in a relationship for years and wondered whether or not I was looking hard enough.
I thought of what I enjoyed most: being outdoors and being fit.
Even though I was a keen snow-boarder and skater, I’d never learnt to surf, which was odd considering how much I loved spending time at the beach.
So when I saw a sign advertising lessons, I decided to give it a go.
The second I saw the instructor, my heart started to beat faster and faster.
“G’day,” he winked, introducing himself as Felix.
His blonde hair, green eyes and tanned, muscled figure were the epitome of the hot Aussie surfer.
How was I ever going to concentrate in his company?
But Felix was a great teacher who helped me to relax.
I even managed to stand up on my first attempt.
And, when I did fall off, he’d make me laugh it off and get back on the board.
Felix had an infectious sense of humour and loved doing impersonations – especially British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen’s quirky character, Borat.
While one part of me was chuckling, the other side couldn’t help wondering how hot he’d look in a Borat-style mankini!
Felix was so dreamy!
But it wasn’t all jokes.
In between work, Felix helped his mum raise his three little sisters who he adored.
“They’re like my kids,” he said.
One afternoon after we’d been surfing until sunset, he kissed me goodnight and we swapped numbers.
I fell asleep wondering if it had all been a dream.
But when I woke up there was a message from Felix, asking me to come over for lunch.
I went to his place and saw the way the girls aged from three to ten rushed to him.
We were inseparable from that day on and later moved into our own house, but I didn’t dare tell him about my little Yoni egg which I kept hidden with my lingerie.
I worried he’d think it was weird, or that I was overly-clucky.
Months later the we took a trip to the country, calling in to his sister Jackie’s farm.
“Running this place can be tough,” she explained, pointing to the incubator she’d set up in the kitchen.
A fox had recently eaten her prized chook, Bettina, and just one fertilized egg had survived.
With its mother gone, the machine was the only way the unhatched chick could keep warm.
A storm was expected to hit later that night and Jackie wanted to keep a close eye on it.
I looked at it in surprise.
It was almost the same size as my Yoni!
The Yoni egg.
As the rain bucketed down, Felix, Jackie and I sat in the living room drinking wine and watching TV.
Suddenly, the screen went black and a curtain of darkness fell over us.
“Guess we won’t be eating dinner,” Felix joked.
But Jackie didn’t see the humour.
“This isn’t funny,” she trembled. “I’ve got an unborn chicken that could die!”
My heart leapt thinking about the gorgeous little egg.
Unless the power came back on soon, it wouldn’t stand a chance.
“We can’t afford to wait,” I said. “Why don’t I put it in the car and turn on the heater?”
Jackie nodded approvingly. “You’re a thinker,” she said.
Felix looked so impressed as I took charge, leaving them in the living room.
But as I lifted the egg into my hands, I had a rush of butterflies in my stomach.
The car seemed so far away. Surely there was an easier way to do this?
Anna had an idea and it’s not what you’d expect. Listen to Take 5’s latest Ripper Real Life Podcast to find out!
