Peta James wants the world to remember her daughter Lilie James for her gregarious, dedicated and kind-hearted nature, not the brutal and shocking way she died.
“Lilie was beautiful inside and out, and was full of life,” she tells Woman’s Day as she gazes at the many photos of Lilie adorning the walls of her Sydney home.
“She was always active and inquisitive and always wanted to try new things. She was a typical girl who loved the Australian way of life where you can go to the beach and have fun with friends.”
IMPORTANT MOMENTS
Peta and her husband, Jamie, have bravely opened their home and hearts to share their memories of Lilie, who was just 21 years old when she died.
Peta smiles when she recalls the close bond she shared with Lilie and how she was so similar to her dad.
“Lilie was like Jamie. They’d clash over things and I’d just think, ‘You two are so alike it’s ridiculous,’” Peta laughs.
“Lilie was Jamie’s karma. Everything he was as a child, he got back tenfold with Lilie!”
And she adored her little brother Max, who was a shy child. “They were really close,” says Peta, 51.
“Lilie encouraged Max to get out and meet new people and try new things, which he was hesitant about.”
But Lilie was always keen to try the things that interested Max, who recently turned 22.
“I’ve got a video of Lilie and Max playing a small electric guitar together and mucking around,” Peta says.
It’s these little, everyday memories Peta holds close.
Of driving her strong-willed and determined daughter to dance competitions, water polo and swimming and, as she got older, seeing how Lilie wanted to encourage other girls to enjoy sports like she did.
Then, on October 25, 2023, those small important moments abruptly came to an end when Lilie was murdered.
That evening, Paul Thijssen, 23, brutally killed Lilie in a bathroom at the Sydney private school where they both worked, and then ended his own life.
A coronial inquest held in November last year found that Lilie’s decision to end her brief and casual relationship with the killer was the catalyst that led to an escalation in his abusive and coercive behaviour.
The coroner found that Lilie’s death was a premeditated killing.
DEVASTATING NIGHT
Peta recalls feeling uneasy the night her daughter died.
Jamie had received a worrying text message from Lilie asking for him to pick her up from her work at around 8.30pm.
It read, “Don’t ask why or call please come to the school now and pick me up”, and in a follow up text, “come to school trouble”.
It was later revealed that this text was sent by the killer in a bid to lure Jamie to the school.
Unable to find Lilie, it wasn’t until around midnight that Jamie would hear the awful news – while a frantic Peta found out at around 5am when Jamie arrived at home with a police detective.
“Jamie looked absolutely devastated,” Peta tearfully recalls.
“He was telling me to come and sit down, and I remember yelling, ‘No, no, no…’”
HEAVY SPOTLIGHT
When the news broke of Lilie’s murder later that day, Australia was united in shock and devastation.
Her case also cast a heavy spotlight on gendered violence against women and young girls and three years on, Peta is troubled that little appears to have changed.
Front and centre of her thoughts are recent reports that three Sydney schoolboys, all under 14, have been charged with allegedly sexually assaulting a 14-year-old girl, while days later, in another part of the city, two 17-year-old boys have been charged with the alleged sexual assault of a 17-year-old girl.
Soon after, five Sydney Swans players were suspended over allegations of sexual assault against three women.
At the time of printing, no charges have been brought against any of the players and an investigation into the allegations is ongoing, with one player being cleared by the police.
This all comes amid reports from the Australian Institute of Health that women aged 18 to 24 experience the highest rate of sexual and domestic violence in Australia.
For Peta, news like this transports her back to the night Lilie was killed.
“It’s so disturbing,” she says.
“We have multiple cases to talk about and it’s absolutely heartbreaking.”
Her thoughts only lie with the victims and their families: “This is going to affect them for the rest of their lives,” she says.
THREE YEARS ON
Peta and Jamie are taking steps to effect real change in Lilie’s name by working with politicians, police officers, school principals and education departments to help develop new ways of teaching school-aged children about domestic and sexual violence.
They believe the first step is to start interventions early.
“We’ve got to be more direct in teaching everyone what the red flags look like,” says Peta.
“We need to empower kids to call out their friends when their behaviour is atrocious.”
She believes all Australians need to play a part in preventing the cycle of abuse.
“If we don’t, it’s going to continue and we’re going to have more women that are either assaulted, or in the worst-case scenario, end up dead like Lilie.”
Next month marks three years since the night the James family lost their beautiful girl, and while they say they’ll do something to commemorate her, they haven’t discussed what that will look like yet.
“We don’t like to look too far into the future as it’s too difficult. We concentrate on getting through the day and I think it will be that way for a long time,” says Peta.
Not a day goes by that they don’t think of Lilie, what she could have achieved in her life and the happy memories they’d have shared.
For Peta, it’s a loss for everyone.
“The world’s a sadder place without her.”
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