Before we get down to the nitty gritty of my cameo on The Bachelor – which was a lot of fun, by the way – there's something I need to clear up.
My poor ego has been dented by what I thought was a great piece of TV gold that will now never see the light of day.
Let me give you the background.
After arriving at a very plush, beautiful country estate in a south-western Sydney suburb and being escorted to a VIP tent (it was a few chairs under a canopy with copious bottles of Evian, which everyone knows is reserved only for true TV stars), I had a quick bit of make-up applied to my face.
I apparently didn't need much, despite barely sleeping the night before thanks to my teething toddler … but I'll take the compliment anyway while trying to pretend I'm awake, alert, and well-rested.
"So basically, Osher will ask you for some advice to give the girls ahead of their photo shoot – sound OK?" a producer says to me.
"Easy," I think.
I quickly run through what I think is a GOLD response, and after meeting Osher and Matt, who are both super-chill by the way, we're in position and doing a run-through. I deliver the line. The line. I reckon it's gold. I basically give the advice that the girls need to make sure they deliver the emotion "down the barrel of the lens" – you see, gold, right?
Osher turns to me and says, "In one take? That was pretty good." I believe him.
But it turns out this ends up getting cut. CUT! The editing gods have sliced and diced me up. To be fair, I probably over-sold it, but still…
The one thing that really stands out from being on set is just how quiet and calm everything is.
Yes, there's a lot of people on set, and everyone is busy and hurrying around, but it's all so seamless. Quiet. Tranquil. The sound of a light airplane flying overhead breaks the silence.
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Osher asks Matt to explain the physics behind how the plane flies, and without missing a beat, Matt goes into great depth about the science behind it all. He could be making it up, but he sounds believable, so I'm nodding like I get it. I don't.
Now to deliver my gold line for real, because the girls aren't even here yet.
A reshoot is ordered, though I reckon the trip should have stayed in!
The girls all line up, Osher, Matt and I go through what's needed – including my awesome-but-probably-not-that-awesome "down the barrel of the lens" line and that's it. All done. Just like that. All that build up and the three of us execute it in one go. Easy.
Am I natural? Did I do a great job? That's not what I'm saying, but if you think so…
But here's the thing: the reality machine moves forward at a brisk pace and no sooner has Osher sent the girls on their way to change for the shoot, the cameras and crew all following suit. The shot is done, the scene is in the can, and it's on to the next one. Pretty impressive really.
As for me, I'm feeling pretty proud of my line, and although it's since found a comfortable spot on the cutting room floor, I at least made it through without putting my foot in my mouth.
Keep scrolling to see all the exclusive photos from TV WEEK's photoshoot