When Dani Lombard was a new mother, she didn’t experience the chaotic tiredness she’d heard and read about from everyone else. For her, there was no bleary 2am feedings, sleeping struggles, or fights to get her baby to feed, she didn’t go through that period of exhaustion. For Dani, feeding time were her favourite things in the world, it was her bonding time and when little Cleo drifted off to sleep, she took all the things that Cleo wouldn’t understand and put them into letters for her baby girl.
Dear Cleo,
Everyone is in such a hurry for their babies to sleep through the night. But feeding you at night is one of the most special things I have done in my 34 years on earth.
You are so calm and quiet and floppy and warm. When you are finished, I hug you and breathe you in. I rub your little back and feel your warm, floppy arm draped on my shoulder. I press your chubby cheek against mine. Feel your puffy little nappy resting on my arm. I could stay with you forever. My little teddy. But you are already asleep, so I must reluctantly put you back in your cot.
You curl a little onto your side and I tuck you in. Your hands form gentle little fists that rest under your chin. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.
And now I must go back to sleep until we meet again. Everyone prays for a full night’s sleep, but I don’t want to wait until morning to see you again, my previous darling. You can wake me any time you like.
I love you so much. With every tear that drips from my eyes as I write this. I carried you for 9 months. I laboured for 23 hours and pushed for 90 minutes to bring you out of my womb and onto my chest. But you are your own person. I helped you into the world, but you are not me. Or your father. You are you. And I could never, ever have imagined what knowing you would feel like.
I worried quietly that I might not have any maternal instinct. But I needn’t have. Everyone that lays eyes on you wants to take you home and squish yourface with kisses. Loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done. And the hardest. It hurts my heart.
Every day with you is a blessing. I don’t know what we did to deserve you. You are the nicest little baby in the entire world. Your spirit is pure and your heart is open. Your eyes are wide with wonder and your little mouth makes aducky face when you’re concentrating.
You are the absolute light of my life and my existence is now meaningless without you. I will dedicate my life to making you happy and whole.
I can’t wait until you wake me so I can cuddle you again. My baby Pequin the sequin. My angel. My beautiful baby girl.
Xxxxx Mamma
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