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Real Life

I faked a $200 bottle of wine!

I've never known a lot about wine. My wife is something of a connoisseur and early in our marriage I committed what is considered a cardinal sin among the wine set. My wife was out with the girls and I had a mate over for a few drinks. We had worked through our case of beer when we decided to open a bottle of wine from the rack in my basement. I pulled out something that I thought looked safe enough and we knocked off the bottle. I noticed later on — when I was putting the bottle out with the rest of the recycling — that it was 20 years old. I casually asked about the bottle the next day (pretending to simply be interested in wine culture) and it turned out it was a bottle of something very expensive. My wife had been keeping it for dinner that night with her boss, who was also a wine lover. Later my wife asked me to bring the bottle up as we were preparing for the boss's arrival. She was so proud that she had kept it aside as it would certainly score her some brownie points. My face flushed and I didn't have the heart to tell her that I had served it to my mate over a bowl of potato chips while watching the footy. I waited for an opportune time and fished the bottle out of our recycling bin. I then opened a bottle of a decidedly less impressive red from her stash of "quaffers". I funnelled the cheaper plonk into the empty bottle and presented it, announcing that I had opened it to let it breathe. My wife was so pleased that I had apparently been paying attention to her wine tutelage. I felt dreadful as she filled her boss's wine glass. Funnily enough, everyone enjoyed it, commenting that the tannins were very firm, but otherwise singing its praises. I haven't told her yet but I hope it's something we can laugh about one day — I might wait until we've been married for at least a few years before I make my confession.

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