When I innocently swapped e-mail addresses with my best friend's boyfriend to plan a surprise birthday party for her, I never dreamt things could turn out so wrong. Tom soon contacted me to discuss Trish's birthday, which was fine. However, as e-mails flowed back and forth, we found ourselves generally chit-chatting about anything and everything. Neither of us told Trish we were in contact — I guess we both thought it was innocent. Plus, I knew that Trish had got up to a trick or two of her own behind Tom's back so I didn't really think twice. Then came the day Tom brought up the subject of sex. As I was the single one, he asked me when was the last time I had had sex and if I had anyone special in my life. When I sent him my response, he told me it was pretty much the same for him. He went on to tell me of his fairly boring and non-existent sex life with Trish, how there were many things he'd fantasise about, knowing she would never consider trying them. He was thrilled he could chat to me about them. One thing led to another and we found ourselves discussing what we liked and would like to try, our secret fantasies that we couldn't tell anyone else. This went on for around 12 months. It was like Tom was a different person — not my best friend's boyfriend, but my secret pen pal who I could tell anything and he wouldn't judge me. It was the male contact that I was lacking. It got to the point that when I spoke to Trish, I'd have to try hard not to say "I already know" or comment on things she was telling me that Tom already had. Unfortunately, one day I slipped up. She had told me she was going on a bushwalk; I knew it had been cancelled from Tom's e-mails. She was starting to get suspicious. I guess Tom may have let a few minor things slip as well. I got one last e-mail from Tom telling me that we'd been caught; he was on the computer chatting to me when she unexpectedly arrived home early from work. Tom had stupidly saved some of our raunchy e-mails and Trish read them. In the last e-mail I received, he told me not to contact Trish again; our friendship was over. She never wanted to speak to me again. Then I received an e-mail from Trish herself, thanking me for my friendship over the years and for showing her the true person her boyfriend really was. I guessed that meant it showed her the true person her best friend was as well. I was devastated. We'd been best friends for so long and now with one last e-mail it was gone forever. I will never forgive myself or Tom for what we have done. I will be punished forever by my beautiful best friend not wanting anything to do with me. I'm so sorry.