Right now plenty of single women are off to visit family and friends; filled with dread over the inevitable questions: “Why aren’t you married yet, or you still haven’t met The One”?
Recently I had a client that was feeling incredibly anxious, because she was anticipating the relentless questioning from family about her personal life, and its’ perceived lack of progress. The main concern for her was, “Should I be worried about this? How do I respond?”
Women in 2015 are faced with what I like to call the ‘independence dilemma’, we can work, buy our own houses, own businesses, date whoever we like etcetera – however there is always the undercurrent of expectation that we should be ‘partnered up’.
This creates an environment where women can often feel like they are still lacking something if they aren’t in a relationship or on the path to marriage.
The fact is this is not the most important thing about a woman, and we need to learn not to make it the first thing we ask.
A woman shouldn’t be made to feel like she is incomplete if she is yet to meet a person to share her life with, and this sort of rhetoric can be really destructive.
I have some advice for the women who are dreading this line of questioning when they see family and loved ones this weekend. Don’t shy away from the questioning or feel ashamed to answer that you still haven’t found the right person to share your life with.
There is something distinctly empowering about being selective and not succumbing to pressure and partnering with someone who isn’t quite right.
The best responses here should be: “I didn’t think you would all want to share me with anyone, so right now I’m being considerate of your feelings”.
My advice is to try never to get angry or upset when approached with this question as being defensive will make your family and friends think you’re in a bad head space about still not settling down.
Try not to let this line of questioning get you down, and feel elated that those important people in your life care about your happiness. It is more important to make the right personal choices than it is to please others.
If you are in a contented space, and enjoying your unmarried state then embrace it, and realise that life is not about who you are with, it is about who you are.
