TV

FINALLY: Bachie 2017 has kicked off and it's nuttier than a Picnic bar

Are we emotionally ready for this... Probably not.

By Chloe Lal
Our delightful Matty J is back!
Dropping the J, the 30-year-old is Season 5's Bacherlor ... And Australia (and one lucky lady) is going to fall in love.
First thing's first... MJ is ready to "start his life."
So obviously, he needs to take his kit off to take on this huge adventure.
We think you'll be just fine...
OH LORD.
Osher and Matty are together.
Osher asks if our main boy wants fireworks... And he does - but don't worry gang, he's a-ok with a slow burn.

Alix, 24, NSW, Body Painter

Matty got a really good vibe from her.
"She is pretty!" and "She's really set the bar high for tonight."
We're calling it - winner.
We could be wrong.

Tara, 27, QLD, Nanny

We are all Tara. She is NERVOUS.
She's "stoked" bro. She also likes the house... She really likes Matty.
OOOO that laugh!
"Tara seems like a lot of fun. She didn't really have filter. I liked it."
Matty could fall.
We're calling here Alex 2.0
Jokes babe, there's only one Alex.

Laura, 31, NSW, Accessories Designer

Matty REALLY likes Laura.
The banter is off the chain.
"I'm really attracted to someone ambitious... And she's clearly very talented."
Also the pair are both from Sydney.
Matty is literally lost for words.
Footage of the Bachie producers RIGHT NOW.

Cobie, 30, QLD, Coal-plant operator

Cobie is the Lee Elliott of 2017.
No donkey in sight, but she did come with a helium-filled balloons... And we know how it worked for Lee.
We'll be keeping our eye on you...
Bachie now skims through a whole heap of girls who may or may not be real contenders.

Simone, 25, VIC, Office administrator

Elise, 29, WA, Marketing Executive

Sharlene, 25, VIC, Wedding planner

Monica 26, VIC, Medical receptionist

Jennifer, 27, NSW, Marketing Manager

Natalie, 26, SA, Midwife

And then in comes Nat... A bag full of crazy.
Potentially our Keira.
We can't wait.

Michelle, 31, SA, Police Officer

Matty was once arrested.
Let's linger on that.
Matty lets us know that Michelle is "a very hot cop."

Belinda, 34, QLD, Love Coach

So she's a love coach... Maybe she can help the other girls out.
No way she's sticking around. Sorry.

Florence, 27, Vic, Brand Manager

Akoulina, 29, QLD, Gymnastics coach

She's really into rhythmic gymnastics... Something to focus on if the petals don't fall into place.

Lisa, 25, VIC, Model

Matty may not believe in love at first sight... But boy their sight is vibing.
"Lisa took my breath away. When she walked away, I was like 'Come back!'"

Leah, 22, VIC, Architecture student

10000% the new Keira.
But worst.

WE HAVE MET EVERYONE... TIME FOR LOVE.

SCREW THE WHITE ROSE... WE HAVE A SECRET FREAKING GARDEN

WOW.
Well played Ten, well played.
Laura (our front runner) is the first girl with the one-on-one time.
And Jennifer is still moist.
Laura, 31, is the first girl to get time with Matty...
And all is going well until a FIRE THROWER enters the garden.
Is she there for ambiance or is she vying for Matty's heart??

Elora, 27, NSW, Fitness Trainer

She is an enchantress. She is Rihanna. So cool, so chic. She thinks she likes him, we think we like her.
And all the girls are getting, as Matty told us "chaotic".
Lisa just called Jennifer's dress "putrid"... Now she's crying. A LOT.
We need a drink.
Jen is crying...
And Nat is a riot. Here is a visual of her lifting her leg. Why, we will never know.
"Strong contender" Lisa is the first gal in the secret garden.
While, she may not be the last, Matty seems pretty taken.
If we've learned anything from Bachie, trust nada.
Now we're getting down to business - Matt is a handing out roses, and Michelle has got the first rose.
Clearly she's arrested his heart.

Osher's back... And Matty only has 19 roses left

Stacey and Monica are out and that's the end of episode 1.
Top night kids!
Now To Love has all the latest on your Bachie goss.