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Real Housewives of Melbourne star Jackie Gillies shares the details of her twins' birth and admits she was "freaking out" over motherhood

''I don't know what the hell was going through my mind.''

By Tina Burke
Real Housewives of Melbourne fans' hearts grew two sizes over the weekend when fan favourite Jackie Gillies welcomed twins with her husband Ben following a rough fertility journey.
Now, the leading psychic has opened up to fans about the delivery and her first few days as a mum.
Recording an episode of her Shine It Up podcast, Jackie shared her birth story with fans - describing the experience with her signature sense of humour and honesty.
"This is the most exciting episode I think I'll ever record," Jackie said from her hospital bed. "You all know from RHOM and the earlier episodes of my podcast, that the journey we went through to get to today, we are so excited and completely in love with our babies who have arrived into the world."
Jackie welcomed twins via caesarian over the weekend. (Image: Instagram)
Jackie reveals that the night before going into the hospital for her C-section, she was "freaking out" about becoming a mother. And that her overthinking continued into the delivery and beyond.
"The night before I was having anxiety, thinking am I going to be a good mother? Grieving my old life and thinking oh my god, this is really happening! Have I got everything ready for the babies? Do I have all the things I need? What happens if I do this wrong or do that wrong?"
"All these thoughts were running through my mind, I kept overthinking. I didn't sleep a wink. Think every thought, I thought it times 10. It was a moment of excitement but still having fear and doubt about everything working out as it should."
"I have to tell you, I literally walked into the operating room – can you believe that? – and I had all these people in the operating room because I was having twins and I was high risk," Jackie continues.
"And listen, I take my hat off to all the women who were cool, calm and collected because this chicken wasn't. Me? It was out the damn window."
Saying her overthinking and concern kept going as she was given her anesthesia and prepped for surgery, the star admits she was having the "weirdest, out there thoughts." Then, when the babies were out, she still couldn't process what was happening.
"I felt so freaking weird, man, someone is rummaging around inside me and all of a sudden they're like 'look, look at your baby!' and I'm in shock horror," Jackie says.
"I didn't want to look at my baby. I don't know what the hell was going through my mind but I was freaking out, then all of a sudden I see this baby and a minute later I see another baby and I'm like whose are they? and I realise they are mine.
Jackie and her costar Janet Roach on the set of RHOM. (Image: Foxtel)
"They put them on my chest, doing skin on skin, and I'm going this is so weird. I cannot believe they're mine. Ben is smiling, tearing up and holding them, he's so happy, and I'm just going, is this really happening? Then when I took a moment and breathed in and out I realised I am a mother."
Spending the past few days in hospital, Jackie says it's been a whirlwind as she comes to terms with being a new mum - asking herself "what do I do now?" after being taken back to her room after the birth.
"Breastfeeding is one of the hardest things ever, hats off to the women out there who it was easy for but it ain't easy for me girl. Everything is new and I'm in pain because of the C-section. It's day three and I'm still freaking out that I'm a mother as I'm looking at these beautiful little cherubs," she admits.
Saying she "hasn't fully processed" that she's a mother, Jackie reveals "I don't know how to breastfeed properly, my milk is still coming, I don't even know if I'm doing this right."

Saying she "hasn't fully processed" that she's a mother, Jackie reveals "I don't know how to breastfeed properly, my milk is still coming, I don't even know if I'm doing this right."
Her refreshing honesty about the first few days of motherhood is sure to resonate with many new parents, as she shares the overwhelming joy and extreme shock that comes with meeting your children for the first time.
"I have two babies that I now have to look after the rest of my life – which I'm so excited about – but I'm still freaking out about it! It is the most joyous, unconditional love I've ever felt. And seeing Ben, oh my god," she gushes.
"Listen, I'm still struggling with breastfeeding and I'm still trying to learn everything and it will take a while. I've just got to give into the process and do what works best for me and our babies. But, god us women can do amazing things. I have to say this is one of the happiest, happiest days of my life. Everybody says their own children look beautiful but they really are gorgeous."

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